the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
