Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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