she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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