I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
