This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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