A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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