I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize