the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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