So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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