I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
