We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
