Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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