no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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