if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
