If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
