yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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