why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize