dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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