I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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