Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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