i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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