Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize