I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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