he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
