Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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