I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
