Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
