dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
