White coat. Heels.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
