The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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