Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize