she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
