...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
