And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize