she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he shaved USA in his pubs
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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