Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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