just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
