Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize