All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
this hospital has no fireball
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
