Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
