I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
