fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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