Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize