where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
