my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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