o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You pole danced in your parka.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
