I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
