so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
