YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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