how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
