haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
