We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
