fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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