You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
