3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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