Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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