So drunk, too bad you don't want this
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
