if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
