I hate your face
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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