Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize