What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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