well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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