I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
