I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
