Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
