I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
