Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
