dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
