Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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