I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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