My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
