i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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